a hallow's eve fish tail

I love Fall like Susan Lucci loves botox. The crisp, cool air and pumpkin patches, the red buds beginning to blossom, the leaves turning golden across all of the beautiful golf courses that I can't afford to play on. But particularly, the munchkins yoda-ing around..all donned up in their pirate garb and princess tiaras. My husband and I have more fun than the kids, I think. He carves me my annual dracula jack-o-lantern and after the babes are tucked in, it is creepy movie time for Mom and Dad. Just Jamie Lee and the two of us Mags. Yeah. We're old.

This year, for our girls, it has become all about the mermaid. Yep, no goblins, no ghouls, no fangy beasts for my kiddos. They are frou-frou all the way, those two. However, they have agreed to my chocolate cemetery cake, complete with skeleton and worms, but that's about it in the scary department. I couldn't even talk W. into being Ursula to T.'s Ariel. I tried to tell her that the villain is the most fun...all those black octopus legs, blue eyeshadow and the bleached-up do. "No", W. said, "You can play her if you want to, Mom". And once upon a time was when this chilling nightmare began. Over black bog and eerie dale, I traipsed, looking for two beautiful mermaid outfits that in the end would only elude me...leaving me alone, shivering..bobbing, as it were, in a cold, dark sea. Oh, I guess I could have purchased online long before the holiday, but then that would mean I was one of those organized multi-tasking super-moms, wouldn't it? And we all know that's a bunch of spine tingling malarkey. At least not these days as Mama has been sucked up in what seems to be a tornado tail that just won't quit. Hey, that would have been an appropriate fit for me this year..Dorothy!

Anyhoo, after all the pleas and wails and begging them to consider something else to wear, my two little monsters simply would not have it. It was going to be a flashy, fishy princess of the ocean blue or nothin'. "A purpl-ey fishtail and bra, Mom! Don't forget the bra!" Uh-oh. Now here is where the story gets really frightening and the tot abuse comes in. I'm making them. Yep. You read that right. Me. Mama Mags. Creating not one but two super-duper flipper outfits. Gives ya chills, doesn't it? And so it goes. I have glued, sprayed, sequined, scissored and drank my way through crafting the two freakiest things you've ever seen this side of the Great Pumpkin. Walt's rolling around in his coffin about now because of what I've done to the image of that poor Little Mermaid. I have a feeling my girls might end up being tarted instead of touted on Halloween night. Yes, thanks to yours truly, Ariel has reached a new level..from wide-eyed, fire-haired beauty to trampy skank o' the sea. It would appear that Triton had to kick her out of the kingdom after Sebastian found her playing in her underwater cave with something besides a dinglehopper. Short of hiring a seamstress or bribing my buddy that works for Disney, my babies are simply gonna to have to grin and bear it. Or should I say, grin and wear it. That or hush their yappers and squeeze into last years recycles. In the years to come, looking back on the photos in horror, they'll see that their old mother made it with love...with untalented hands and no ability to art or craft, mind you...but every last crooked stich was made with a whole lot of love. And just a wee bit of cursing. Poor tykes. They wanted June Cleaver for a mom but got Roseanne instead. Now that's spooky.



P.S.) For any of you out there that would like a good movie rental for the 31st..Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow is mine and Geez' favorite. Depp is very funny in it..joined by a wonderful cast...nicely shot and put together. Unlike my two tacky mermaid creations.