sweet nothings

The jig's up. I ain't Martha Stewart. Oy Noel vey. After 76 chocolate dipped pretzel rods that ended up looking like they had the shingles and three gooey sheet pans of peppermint bark, I have chosen to see life the way it really is. I am me. I am proud. But I am not a candy maker. I'll leave that to Tyler and the Food Network gang. And the next time I even remotely think I am able to understand the bizarre chemical compound that is chocolate, I will stop all nonsense immediately, spare my poor pals the humiliation of re-gifting their trashcans and just make myself a stiffie.


Awww. Nothing says the holidays like a toffee-nutted cow pie.