chili and tulips

As I prepare to renew my wedding vows and gather with friends and family to celebrate G.'s life and his return home to all of us that love him, I am deeply appreciative and continually amazed at the mystical ride each of us travel throughout our lifetimes. Some steer through it like Earnhardt, some just coast, and some are forced to look at their deepest fear, square in it's ugly mug, whether we’re ready to or not..and then some are fortunate enough to kick its ass. I believe there are no coincidences, no time for regret and no part of destiny that we can not change. I believe that within life itself lays the power to dream, to be, to do, to give and to live with absolute freedom and the purest of joy. Right here. Right now. On Terra Firma.



Two months ago, I watched G. ride a roller coaster I like to call “The Revolutionizer”. It’s beginning..the staccato click of the chain lift..a life moving steadily forward. But, as the cosmos is known to do, throws in a whip lash or two...accelerates to a speed of 0 to 60 in five seconds and then you got yourself a ride, people. It is then, if we play our cards right, our life condition revs like an Evinrude...kicking into high gear around the banked turns..wrangling with the negative g's that make us bulge-eyed & breathless...looping and twisting through all that nasty karma that at one time seemed so immutable only to discover that after the final quick dip as we pull into the station that..duh...nothing in life is static, you can't learn without lessons and the good part?..nothing is unchangeable. I mean, come on, what did we expect when we handed over that E ticket, anyway?

Back at home base with our hair on end, white-knuckled and greeted by Murphy and Newton, the toothless carnies...we're exhausted, exhilarated, enlightened and hopefully left feeling life at it’s fullest. And Mama? For a short time, I was the scaredy-cat lady that mysteriously got stuck in the very front car, next to my guy, frozen in time, mouth agape, hands over my eyes...my kids, protected by their youth and innocence, arms held above their heads, squealing with delight. In the end though, I discovered that I had a determination, a focus, an oomph in me that I never knew existed and that whether we think we can't or whether we think we can, we still have to ride the ride all the same. We just do it. We all got the goods. We're made that way- fully assembled, life-long battery pack and very durable. In the end, it either becomes a scream machine or an opportunity. It's up to us. With faith as the guide wheels, our loved ones- the lap bar that holds us in place..and managing to keep fear and doubt in the cars behind us, we'll make it through The Cyclone. No matter what happens. Besides, those barrel rolls and sidewinders from up on high are the best way to see the Park, right?

This weekend, we will laugh, we will love and we will remember that almost two months ago, to the day, I was told to bring my kids in to say goodbye to their daddy. Instead they will stand at his side, in a beautiful glass chapel..holding their tulip..a tender sign of Spring to come and then we’ll chow on chili, a symbol of all the zest, the bite, the Bam! that life and its precious gift have to offer.

Whether it's rhapsody, euphoria, a small simple joy, a quiet moment of grace or uh-oh..fear itself..it's just that..only a mere moment in a vast span of time making it all that more important really..all that more necessary..all an impetus for deepening our faith, all a part of the lessons we learn and the amazing power we are able to manifest as a tiny beautiful blip in the great big order. Every last bit of it. So if you find yourself, yawning, on the slow steady people-mover of life, you better brace for the dips as best you can..because they are coming, ready or not...and within them, lie most of your answers. If I know anything now...I know that we learn more about who we really are when we're riding through the scary part.